Many people told me the time with Edmund would fly by. They said it like it was something to lament over. But every time I heard this statement I thought, “I hope SO!” I don’t know about you, but I do not want to be changing diapers forever. I do NOT want to be waking up every night at 4 am. I don’t like having spit up all over me all the time for ETERNITY!”
Well, I get it now. Mothers who say that aren’t thinking about all the bad stuff. For some reason, the mommy’s brain is wiped clean of all that in one sentimental second and suddenly only the good times remains prominent. My brain fogged up with happy baby giggles, sucking on toes, and his sweet face as he drinks his milk. But now, I feel like my baby is growing up. He now crawls all over the place, stands up in his crib when he is supposed to be sleeping and shows his likes and dislikes. What happened to the bundle of flesh that I had before that ate, slept, played and cried?
Well,But then I realized that isn’t about all the bad stuff. For some reason, the mommy’s brain is wiped clean of all the bad and suddenly only the good remains prominent. I know this because it happened a little bit to me. I feel like my baby is growing up. He now crawls all over the place, stands up in his crib when he is supposed to be sleeping and shows his likes and dislikes. What happened to the bundle of flesh that ate, slept, played and cried?
It came to me just this past Monday. I was over at a friend’s house during nap time. She laid her little infant onto the bed and left without a care. My first thought was that it had been a long time since Edmund ever stayed put. Well, then of course, that got me thinking how long ago that really was. Actually, it was just a few short months ago. Of course, this made me feel like time had passed all too quickly, and now my baby is gone. When was I turning into one of THOSE moms?
Through all this, as Edmund grows and becomes his own little self, I find myself enjoying his new accomplishments, but I’m also somehow feeling a little guilty as well. Did I enjoy him not walking enough? Did I spend enough time with him when he couldn’t crawl? Did I miss any of his big achievements?
Thus far I have learned, in Edmund’s 9 months, that I enjoy him being more mobile (Though I am finding out all the places my house IS NOT baby proof now), and I am enjoying his new sense of independence. (Though the tantrums are not a nice side effect.)
But will a parent really ever be on top? I have my doubts. I just need to parent faithfully, trust God, and I know that will be enough.